Black and White, Gay or Straight?

The world is not color blind and ignorant of choice. I have neighbors who are an African American and white mixed couple. I have worked for a company that promoted a club for bi-sexual and gay people in the workplace so that we could all “understand” ourselves. To understand my point of view, there are three things to know:

1) I believe people are allowed to choose according to their sexual orientation and preferences their own partners. I am not gay or bi-sexual; I am heterosexual. I do not participate in most cross-cultural or intra-cultural dating, although I have tried it once or twice (why I found it does not work too well for me). I find my soft spot has always been most weak in the knees for blue eyed blonde men….this is not a sin. In a world where “embracing our differences” is supposed to be enlightened, I am not judgmental of the preferences of others, but I am not quite okay with the condemnation of my own.

2) People that do not find compatibility in their life-styles and levels of social involvement do not work out well together. I am divorced. My ex-husband was a high school teacher and an athletic director. I put my writing behind me to try the social etiquette of wife, working for the children’s events and social functions while holding down jobs of my own to help our own income. I found both of us miserable in part because I gave up on my own life and writing for two years to do this correctly. I do need people. I do not need to abandon my own answers to have people. I married a man not so well off, I dated a man very well off. I find that the money in the wallet is not as important as the need to value the things in our lives that are important to us that we have in common. For example: I value my home, not my freedom to travel around without one. Someone that would like to live in a RV and journey all around the United States is not a good fit for me.

3) Differences are as crucial as similarities. Dating sites try to “match up” like with like profiles. E-harmony kicked off my profile as one of the “20% that could not correctly be matched up”. None of us are exactly alike. In my last serious relationship, I would always buy two tickets to wine tastings and my boyfriend would not usually ever show up. He hated the events. I still went on my own. People do not always enjoy the same things, they do not always have the same religions even though they are together (my ex-husband was Presbyterian and I was not), they do not always agree on their politics. Differences do not mean that we have nothing in common or that we cannot be together. We do need to enjoy one another.

Life-partners find better together.


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