In Response “When Will I Be Loved?”

“When Will I Be Loved?” Never. “Being loved” negates the process of loving one another. Love is a two-way path not working in one direction. “Being loved” is not possible without loving in return. It is not a question of “Am I loved?” but a truth of loving one another.

Fine years of marriage and a divorce taught me that love without being loved in return has no hope for love in either party to survive. The actuality is that love is reciprocal. Hard reality has taught me that to love in the face of not “being loved” only causes hardship, anger, and loss of life. This is evident on a larger scale in regions such as Israel and the Middle East.

We can pretend. Civilization demands certain obedience to conduct and manners that gloss over our true feelings in the matter when dealing with other people. This preserves peace.

When I was twelve and thirteen, I prayed every night for the same boy in my classes in Junior High to love me and notice me. He never did. We cannot make someone love us. This is not an excuse for never loving someone other than our selves. Life has taught me a few lessons:

  1. Do not be afraid to love others.
  2. Do not continue to love when you are not loved.
  3. Do understand that human love is not perfect and that we must work at love.

I see that I can involve myself in the process of loving one another and find love.

Being famous and in the public eye does not change this. There are people who hate and people who love. The whole world never loved anyone and never will. We lift up people that care about what we care about and follow those that give us reasons, whatever those reasons may be, to pay attention.

“When will I be loved?” is a question that cries out for help. It states that there is not enough love from others to sustain the love we give. It is unfair to demand that all the love we need is provided from one other person. In our honest human nature, we do not always love one another and we need the love of others to keep our love together.

I have found it harsh that we segregate and talk about those we may or may not love when we love certain others. I do understand, in my own nature, that there are exclusive types of love (such as husband and wife) that preclude others having the same relationship. “When will I be loved?” is sometimes a question of individual loves and at other times a question of a broader nature asking for people to understand a need for us all to be together. I will never “be loved”…but I do intend to love and care and make a difference- as long as hatred is not all I find in return.


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Individually Wrapped Pieces of Candy

I am too old to like candy as a reward or a treat, but occasionally I still eat a piece. In the old General Stores, (almost extinct now) there were large barrels of different types of individually wrapped pieces of candy. I am too young to remember General Stores, but when I was very young the equivalent to a General Store was Woolworths. There were not specific items on specified aisles. All the goods in the store were piled haphazardly around. My mother would take us downtown to Woolworths to go through their bolts of cloth to find material for her next sewing project. The toys in the store were wonders that could not be found at Sears or JC Penny’s and the only thing missing was the barrel full of candy.

When I became a teenager, most of the Woolworths had retired and were no longer open for business. I started to worry about things. “Did my blue jeans have the right name sewn on the pocket like everyone else?” and “Was I seen in the Mall at the stores my schoolmates liked?” I started to conform my idea of shopping to the ideas of my peers so that I could have the correct status in a difficult world of children trying to find where we fit in. However, I never quite forgot that my ideas needed to remain my own.

There was a smoke shop downtown throughout my teenage years that sold tobacco, cigarettes, and pedaled a huge candy counter for the children (although there was no Woolworths). My younger brother and I saved our paper route money and walked downtown to pick out candies that you could not find anywhere in the grocery stores. Names like Zotz, Sugar Daddies, Nerds and jawbreakers and pop rocks were only available at the smoke shop. Underage children were allowed in the store, but only for purchases of candy. We were good children and we did not hang out to try for young adults that would “help” us to other items in the smoke shop that we could not buy yet.

I remember that I grew up in a world different from our world today. When I want a piece of candy, I wonder where all of the choices that I had as a child have gone. I never want a whole bag of Tootsie Rolls or butterscotches. We do not sell candy by the piece anymore. Perhaps this is the lesson I was learning as a teenager: we choose our favorites, but we commit to more than just one choice for one short mouthful of sugar. Maybe one day we will not be so afraid of the individually wrapped pieces and we will return to more choices. For now, I only eat candy when I have a special occasion to buy more than I need. Children like candy. I have grown up and candy is optional, but I will not give up on my favorites when my sweet tooth calls.