An Ugly Word In Our Language

There is an ugly word in the English language. This word separates people, causes financial hardships, invokes societal problems, and leads to emotional, physical, and mental trauma. This word is divorce.

I have often thought two people should never involve something as difficult as “until death do us part” in a wedding vow. This one phrase explains the entire divorce catastrophe. The logic in divorce emotions is not sane: “Until death do us part” was included in the wedding vow’s promises, therefore the party guilty for ending the vow should die. I should know. I am divorced.

This is not to say that marriages cannot last a life span. Quite a few marriages are never broken.  People in marriages that last have worked hard at their relationships and found themselves comfortable companionship. Some divorced couples have also worked hard at their relationships and found themselves incompatible with one another. My grandfather divorced my grandmother when they were both over sixty years of age. My mother and father have been happily married for close to fifty years. There is no guarantee that two people will remain compatible for all of their days. It just as possible for caring, honest people to find a marriage dissolved in divorce as it is for a marriage to last a lifetime.

I may be a divorcee’, but I am still looking for that “special someone” that will last in a comfortable relationship. I have some ground rules about the “dating and divorced” situation. First, I do not date married men. I was a wife and I always wanted my husband to be “mine”.  I have, since my divorce, had a few boyfriends. I have not wanted to worry about the “other women” over them and I could not befriend men if I did not respect their wives’ claims to their husbands. I expect the same courtesy from women in return when I have a man on my arm.

Secondly, (I have learned this the hard way), I prefer not to date men that do not appreciate my manner of living or lifestyle. I have found this to lead to disasters. For a relationship to last, two people must be compatible- not just crazy over each other.

My third dating rule is simple. Remain honest. I found that pretending for “first impressions” is not half as valuable as finding out about each other right from the start.

My grandmother remarried as did my grandfather. I have had my “big wedding” and I do not need another one. This does not mean I intend to remain without a committed, monogamous, serious relationship. It is not easy “starting over” and it is difficult to constantly search for someone to be with. I realize I am happier than I was in my married life- and yet I also know I am happy when I have a “special someone” as long as I remember to cherish that relationship for as long as it lasts.



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